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Aging Out Loud

Melissa+Etheridge+wxTr1btZX8umI look at other blogs on aging and read the comments made by women to gage how they are feeling about growing older. I like the blog Growing Bolder.  A quote by singer Melissa Ethridge caught my eye: “I would not trade in my 50’s for any other time I’ve lived. If you’re facing 50, don’t be afraid. It gets so much better and you get so much more stronger.”

The remarks that followed were varied…here are some samples:

“Loved turning 30, 40 but turning 50 has me on edge.”

“Best age so far.”

“Oh lordy, I’m pushing 60. I’m scared, real scared.

“Not enjoying mine at all.”

I’m curious to know what others think about their age. Yes, it’s scary because we are getting closer to death, but a lot of our negative feelings may be coming from what society says and feels about aging. And the point is not to be silent on the issue. The real power comes from women sharing our challenges, fears, joys and dread.   This is the time to speak up because we have more wisdom to spread. We have made mistakes and grown, learned what’s important and what’s not, retired our need to get everyone’s approval and our constant need to feel “important.”

Come on baby boomers we haven’t gone through all this only to become invisible. If a woman is alone watching yet another wrinkle cream commercial she will inevitably feel bad about her skin, looks and maybe even grow depressed. She might turn to Botox, fillers, surgery spending hundreds and thousands of dollars to keep up a youthful appearance. I’m not saying that is wrong or bad; it just sends a message to the younger generation that looking your age is not acceptable.

I admit I was one of those who feared 40 and was terrified at 50. I noticed that many women didn’t want to talk about the aging process — one of the reasons why I started this blog. But we don’t have to be rock stars, actors or models to make a statement about age. We can talk to one another in neighborhoods, communities and blogs that challenge the status quo.

Melissa Ethridge


Youth is Overrated

This New Wrinkle project has been a journey for me. Like a news reporter, I started with a clear angle of how I wanted it to go, specifically focusing on the fear of aging. But after talking to a friend of mine, Barbara, who is about to turn 60, I started to get a new perspective. She told me that she’s actually happier at this age than any other. Ok, you hear that stuff from time to time, but listening to her pour out her thoughts and feelings, I knew it was truly how she felt.

Youth is overrated,” she said. “You take so much for granted and spend so much time and energy on meaningless things.” I took an inventory of my life and realized all the endless time I spent obsessing over what someone said or what I was going to wear, or if he liked me.

At a certain age men and women take a look at their own mortality. While this can be intensely painful and scary, it’s also a chance to get serious about what really matters.

“Now I want to do things that make a difference in the world, to truly love people for who they are, enjoy the things that make me happy,” Barbara said, “like birding and photography.” She went on to say, “Fear of getting older was weighing me down until I realized that I had the power to release it.”

At the same time I was writing this blog I took a quick break to browse Facebook (admit I am a bit addicted) and the first thing that popped up where these words from author Brene’ Brown:

“I think midlife is when the universe places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close and whispers in your ear:

I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanism that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.”

These two wise women inspired me to spread their views on the joy of aging instead of the fear of aging. is really about my coming to terms with growing older. It gives me an opportunity to help create a dialogue that is sorely missing in our youth obsessed culture. I hope you will contribute and talk to other women and men about your feelings as we all take this journey together.


50 is the new Who Cares

I remember my fear about turning 40. I thought the gig was over, that men would no longer look at me and that my job prospects were dim at best. Last year I turned 50, and I wish I could say I accepted it with grace, but more with dread and sadness. Even though I don’t have children, I’d become a grandma overnight. I still see myself as a young, vibrant women. However, a quick glance in the mirror (especially with fluorescent lighting) squashes any hopes of my seeing a dewy faced, ageless beauty.

But the fear is not just about looks, it’s about getting closer to death. I used to hear people say from time to that life is not a dress rehearsal. But that’s exactly how I lived my life, always waiting for something to happen, until then I would stay safe and cozy inside my comfort zone. “One day I’ll take those piano lessons.” I know I will travel, soon.” “I would love to learn Spanish, but I’ll do it later.”

You get the picture. These things don’t come unless you make them ha13567311_10153801677361376_7199853490098444068_nppen.  And I’m now taking action and cultivating my passions and hobbies.  For example, today I took a 20 mile bike ride, recently planted a garden, and I’m just about to sign up for tennis and voice lessons.  These are things I always wanted to do.  I’m no longer saying tomorrow…it’s now.

The beauty of getting to be a half-century old is you no longer have to be in denial. Time is running out. You have no more to waste! The fist step is to practice acceptance. Once you accomplish this you can move on and truly start living –maybe for the first time in your life. You can make it a wild, vibrant, exciting adventure. The trick is not to dwell on how you wish things were different.

So what is acceptance? You’ve heard the Serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. This is a very wise verse used in twelve step programs across the globe. These words from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous sums it up nicely: “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

This is so true when it comes to the aging process.  By going out and getting Botox shots, cosmetic procedures and body enhancements, you are in denial and only delaying what one day you will have to confront, an aging body that will enviably die. Until then you will cling to the complements you get when people say you don’t look your age; crave those moments when people ask you what’s your secret. But those comments just delay time, time you don’t have if you want to evolve. You accept where you are in life and then the miracles can begin.

You start building from a firm foundation that will carry you through the second chapter of your life. As I gain more acceptance I witness myself being in the moment as opposed to the past and future. I do what I can in this second, a fresh creative time to explore and express what’s inside. You don’t have to worry about what people think about you. Your mission is to live the rest of your life as fully, genuinely and courageously as you can.

When I think back on my youth I can honestly say I worried about the most absurd things mostly related to my looks and the need for the world to validate me. Yes, I was going out to conquer the world so that I would be important. I wore high heels, short skirts, tight pants and created drama wherever I went. I can honestly say I’m glad those days are gone. This is the time to be who we truly are, shed ourselves of all the outward pressures and expectations that so absorb the young, and become the women who no longer care what people think.

It’s time to show up and be seen, our next act, not a dress rehearsal.

Ruth’s Spirit

The movie Harold and Maude came to mind when I was recently standing in a line at a Pharmacy.

There was an elderly woman who never stopped smiling, joking and sharing her spirit193308 with those around her.  I was instantly taken by her as she exhibited all the life-affirming qualities as Ruth Gordon in the 1971 cult classic Harold and Maude.

When we began talking I looked into her lucid and wide eyes full of curiosity and wonder about the world.  We started laughing together, and she said she liked to be silly…me too…both of us began acting like goof-balls.  It’s like we became kindred spirits in that moment and the age barrier had disappeared.  The 81 year old had the same soul and sprit as she did when she was a child.

I gave her a hug and we laughed all the way to our cars.  I wanted to take her home, but instead, I decided to write about her essence so that it can live on beyond my own limited experience.

As a culture we are apt to ignore those that have saggy, frail bodies…our eyes engage with those who have soft skin, flawless features, pretty teeth, full lips and a toned body.  But if we can train ourselves to look beyond the deep furrows and droopy skin, we see a whole inner array of beauty that extends time.

On a side note my grandmother’s name Is Ruth and she too was full of life and wonder until the end. This woman in the store was a reminder of her spirit and kindness.

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